Don't Make Me Buy a Diaper

I was one of the first people to laugh at the diaper-wearing astronaut. Do you remember Lisa Nowak? She made headlines last year after allegedly donning a diaper for a non-stop drive across country to kidnap the new chick of her former lover. Oh, how I laughed. A diaper!?! This was a woman so fired up, so intent to carry out her angry mission that she would rather marinate in her bodily fluids than run in a McDonalds near the interstate! How do you get so furious, that you can't take a 5 minute bathroom brake?

I'm sorry, Lisa. Now I understand. My so-freakin'-angry-I-could-buy-a-diaper-and-come-after-you moment happened last week. It followed an angry exchange of e-mails and phone calls with a guy called Jay at Wheelchairs Plus. I found the company on Ebay and they had lightweight chairs for nearly half of what the medical supply company near my home is charging. Plus, this company promised next day shipping! I'd have the chair in time to bring my mother home from the rehab facility. Hooray!

A few days AFTER mom came home, a wheelchair did arrive at my home. Huge and clunky, it was NOT the 19 pound chair I ordered. The answer to my first complaint e-mail instructed me to "look around the house" for the chair. The second insisted that I had received the chair I ordered. When I took my complaining from the computer to the telephone, Jay told me it was impossible that I had the wrong chair. My threats to give him negative feedback on Ebay was met with a nasty attitude and a comment that my feedback would be, "just a drop in the bucket." Not only was Jay's poor customer service making it impossible to take mom to her favorite places, but he had taken my money and robbed me of my good mood. Game on! It's diaper time! I searched the internet for his address and priced Depends at CVS. No time to waste! I needed to drive to Jay's location A.S.A.P. and run over him repeatedly with the weighty wheelchair!

Mom has been home for over a week and the 40 pound metal monstrosity is still sitting by my front door. I get diaper-buying-mad every single time I look at it. So, Lisa Nowak, I owe you an apology. Perhaps there are times when you need to take care of business so bad, that you can't spare a minute to do your business.