Wanted: Hungry Realtor

The saga continues. From the day I moved into this house, I started thinking about the day I'd move out. It's a lovely huge, home in a beautiful, friendly neighborhood (http://bridgehamptonneighbors.com/). Lots of amenities, close to shopping and great restaurants, less than 30 minutes from uptown Charlotte. Before this entry turns into a classified ad, I'll just sum it up by saying the place is far from a dump. But, between the crappy economy and my bad luck with realtors I'm afraid I might die in this place.

At first I decided to stay true to the realtor who sold my previous home. He told me when to put the house on the market. I did some painting, made some repairs and when I'd finished sprucing up he told me NOT to put it on the market after all. I decided that if there was any hope of selling, I needed to put a sign out front no matter what. A friend told me about a realtor who only takes 1%, but offers less services. I jumped at the chance to make a little profit. Of course, this realtor would put no effort into marketing my home, but for 1% what could I expect? What I didn't expect was an e-mail, not a phone call, just an e-mail telling me that the 1% man was taking his business in a "different direction" and he no longer wanted to list my house. I swear the place isn't a dump.

About a week before the "Dear John" e-mail from Mr. 1% (who dropped by to pick up his sign and lock box and casually left my key on the front stoop) I got a call from a dude who appeared to be the kind of realtor I'd been looking for. He noticed my listing would soon expire and gave me his pitch over the phone. I liked his style. He couldn't meet with me any morning last week because that's his time to work the phones. Wow, a real go-getter! He e-mailed a letter of introduction that touted his "strong commitment to personal service" and a "22 step action plan proven to sell homes." I sure liked the sound of that. I thought the telemarketing realtor was the answer to my prayers and believe me I pray about selling this house every single day.

I cancelled the day trip I'd planned and made an appointment to meet with him at 3:00 pm on Sunday. At 3:15 I called his office to see if he was lost and needed directions. No answer. Checked e-mail and voicemail for a cancellation... nothing. I took a second look at his original e-mail and noticed that he refers to himself in the third person. I guess that should've been a red flag.

So now I'm realtor-less and trying not to worry. I took my ad off of Craig's List because of an oddball fear of a Norman Bates character showing up at my door (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517090,00.html). Know a good realtor who is hungry to sell a house? Here is my realtor want ad:

Wanted: Driven, pushy negotiator to market and sell my home. Must be part of a strong relocation network with the stamina to spend hours each week hunting for qualified buyers. Realtor must feature my home on all the high traffic real estate websites with gorgeous professional photos of every room. Desktop publishing skills needed to produce full color brochures for other agents and potential buyers. Strong communications skills a must to keep me abreast of your activities, to give me feedback from potential buyers and to network with other agents. Only results-oriented top sellers with glowing references need apply.