Give me a lame moment in your romantic life and I can top it. Stood up? Been there. Set up on a blind date with a gay man? Done that. Third wheel on a parent's date. Honey, I've done that twice. I'd gladly repeat the first two. The third wheel situation? I'd rather not live through that again.
My cousin was supposed to come visit for Easter and so was my nephew. My cousin just got a new job and had to start A.S.A.P. My nephew got picked to play in a basketball all-star game. I swear I'm happy for both of them, but damn! When they cancelled that left me to have dinner with my mom, Wheezy, and her friend, Mr T. It was just the three of us... or should I say the two-plus-one of us.
It wouldn't be so bad if my mom and her friend weren't the king and queen of senior citizen sexual innuendo. Jokes about sneaking in for bed check at the nursing home? I've heard them all. Wisecracks about special things people can do when they take their false teeth out? You don't want to hear them. So, you can imagine that I approached Easter dinner with a hint of dread about the comedy that would ensue.
It didn't take long. It started the moment we were seated when my mother announced that she wanted to sit across from Mr. T so that they could play footsie. Not to be outdone, Mr. T had to tell her about a phone call wishing him happy "Resurrection Sunday." Chuckle-giggle-snort-snort... he thought the caller had said something out "erection" Sunday. Yes, I know the comment was inappropriate on many levels. Yes, at the moment it was said I was wishing that the 7 foot Easter Bunny roaming around the restaurant would break free from his handlers and choke me `til I passed out.
Being the third wheel in that situation is a new definition of lame. I dare you to even try to top it!
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