The Scoop Sisters

The news competition between my aunts is more fierce than the battle between Fox and CNN. Whether it's telling relatives about my Gracie Award (http://www.mattandramona.com/archive/audio.cfm;jsessionid=a630ae1d944478e88a342e40341b1b105158?ID=830) or keeping us all informed about my uncle's lung surgery, Aunt Nell and Aunt Reacie have a burning desire to break the story.

My mom and my other two aunts don't play the news game. It isn't for sissies. You have to dial fast, talk fast and not be afraid to get your feelings hurt if you want to tangle with the Scoop Sisters. Unsuspecting family members and clueless friends of the family get used for information. Don't think for a second that you can dish to the sisters without repercussions. They will betray their sources to lend credibility to their stories. The really juicy tidbits start something like, "I should probably let Deano tell his own news, but" or "we've got to pray for Peanut because..."

Aunt Nell is the self-appointed editor of the family newsletter. She's got cousins I've never even met on speed dial. You've never heard disappointment until you've listened to the defeated sigh of Aunt Nell when she finds out that Aunt Reacie was the first to spread the word. Deaths, divorces, pregnancies, promotions, engagements, accidents, hospitalizations and incarcerations.... a fully-staffed newsroom couldn't get the story to family members faster. Aunt Nell (http://www.morningjournal.com/articles/2009/01/20/news/mj496595.txt) has more slashes in the win column than Aunt Reacie. But when Aunt Reacie owns the scoop, she will drive to Aunt Nell's house and do a victory dance in her front yard. There haven't been any fist fights yet, but Aunt Reacie has been having shoulder trouble, so I wouldn't put it past Aunt Nell to take advantage of the weakness.

When you have news in the Holloway family it spreads very quickly and you have to think twice before you decide who to tell first. When my mom had surgery recently, I kept it neutral by giving the recovery details to Aunt Ada, the Sweden of the family. It was up to her to decide whether to give the story to the "Linell Enquirer" or the "Reacie Times." Yes, it was a punk move on my part, but I don't feel the least bit guilty about sacrificing Aunt Ada. She's older, wiser and has been dealing with her sisters longer than I have.

My mom, Wheezy, takes a more organic approach. Whoever calls Wheezy first, hears the news first. So this morning when Aunt Reacie called to tell my mother about her weekend trip, she heard the Gracie Award details and rushed off the phone. She said she'd tell Aunt Nell last because she didn't want to give her sister the opportunity to scoop her. I had a moment of courage and dared to ask why she couldn't let Aunt Nell have the story too. Her answer was, "she's been doing this for years and we're too old to change." Within 5 minutes of talking to Aunt Reacie, I received a call from Aunt Ada. Fifteen minutes later I got a congratulatory call from Aunt Nell. After getting a few details about the gown I'd like to buy and the price of the tickets, she said, "I gotta go!" She didn't break the story, but now she's hitting the phones with fresh, inside info. The battle of the Scoop Sisters is ON!!!!