Monday, October 27, 2008

Spray Tan Attack

Some of you might be confused like I was last night. It appeared that Toni Braxton had returned to Dancing with the Stars, but it wasn't her. The dancer who appeared to be a Black woman was probably either soap star Susan Lucci or Cheryl Burke. Don't bother trying to adjust the color on your television. It wasn't a technology problem. It was a spray tan problem. Somebody got gangster with the airbrushing. I haven't seen people painted like this since the circus was in town.

The scoring was even more ridiculous last night. Michael Flatley, from Lord of the Dance, was a guest judge. Brooke Burke's beauty and flexibility must have aroused the Lord of the Pants because he gave her a 10 when she clearly deserved a 7 or 8. I give Brooke credit for dancing on an injured foot, but you've still got to bring it and not just rely on wearing a skimpy costume and pretending to make out with your partner.

Lance Bass had his best performance of the season, but the judges refused to give him a 10. He was the top scorer, but his 27 was just one point ahead of Brooke. Susan had her best performance of the season as well, but still couldn't outscore Warren Sapp. The judges gave Susan a 23 and Cody Linley got a 23 as well. Warren, who let his partner do all the work, got a 25!?! The big man's hands and posture were all wrong, but I think the judges are too scared to tell him about it. When Tom Bergeron, the host, noted judge Carrie Ann Inaba's obvious flirting with Warren, the quarterback killer got physical and tagged him in the head. Tom jokingly apologized for the player hating, but I'll bet he had security walk him past Warren's dressing room just to be safe.

The comments about the lack of chemistry between Maurice Green and Cheryl were on the money. Cheryl acts like she knows she got stuck with a loser this season and its killing her to work with him.

From Misty May-Treanor, the olympian who left a few weeks ago with a serious injury, to the bandaged feet of Brooke and Susan, the stars are keeping their doctors busy this season. Now we find out that Julianne Hough will sit out thanks to surgery. Despite getting tossed around like a frisbee, it seems the healthiest woman on the show is 82-year old Cloris Leachman. I think she keeps in shape by running from her overly affectionate partner, Corky Ballas. The most shocking move of the night didn't come from the group hip hop routine, it was when Cloris lifted her leg and flashed America the crotch of her granny panties. Okay, the first time she tried the leg lift, it was wasn't quite the right time. The second time Corky grabbed one ankle and one wrist and spun around like he was playing airplane with a toddler. The crotch shot, the bumpy landing... it was more than I could take. The judges made it clear that they wanted her gone a long time ago by giving her a score of just 15.

Cloris redeemed her funny self in the hip hop routine. Her critique of Lance "dancing like a fool" and Maurice "sweating like a bandit" made me laugh out loud. While Susan spent most of the hip hop routine looking like someone who opened the refrigerator door but couldn't remember why, Cloris' krumping stole the show. This may be asking for too much, but I sure could use just one more week of the Cloris and Corky show. But whenever you want to boot Samantha Harris or the singer with the upside down tiara on her head, I'm fine with it.

1 comment:

Linda said...

Thats unfortunate that so many people are getting surgery... But I don't really mind. october 27 is my birthday :) so its supposedly a great day for me.
- And Obama is president! ahh