The Stupid One

"Nobody WANTS a bad marriage."  A simple statement of good old-fashioned truth from author Charla Muller (http://www.charlamuller.com/), one of the speakers at a breakfast hosted by  "Today's Charlotte Woman" magazine.  But while no one goes out looking for heartbreak, some folks wind up in bad relationships.  I divorced my way out of the bad marriage club five years ago.

Yesterday on the Matt and Ramona Show (http://mattandramona.1079thelink.com/index.cfm) we talked about the relationship red flags that people had ignored.  I had a few... like the fact that my ex had zero friends (his insurance agent was our best man).  You are probably thinking, "what were you thinking, Ramona?"  Frankly, I was thinking with my uterus at the time.  My biological clock was telling me that if I wanted to have babies I'd better get the show on the road.  My ex was telling me that he was an honest, faithful, man who was financially secure.  How embarrassing to tell my friends and family that I was wrong.  I had ignored some pretty ridiculous warning signs.  `Til death do us part just wasn't gonna stick.  Frankly, my marriage would ended MUCH sooner if I hadn't been so determined not to admit I'd been wrong. 

When we asked about the relationship red flags there were callers, e-mailers and Facebook friends who admitted they'd been stupid.  Here are a few..

Jessica - Drug issues, lack of ambition, lack of commitment, never shutting his mouth. Wow... I guess that was my fault. That's a whole lot of red flags! Lol!
Heather - I argued (to a gay man in a gay bar) that my boyfriend was straight. He left me for that same man a few months later. Oh well. Hindsight is 20/20.
Sarah - Didn't think too much about his drinking until we moved in together. Than I saw the true him!
Janet - Over a three week span of dating, he never invited me to his house but always wanted to come to mine and hang out. Oh, and he told me he was always traveling as a truck driver which was why he called me nightly. hmmm???? Reason for it all .... His best friend, who I met, called me and told me his friend was married. BIG DUH, eye opening moment for nieve, trusting me at 22. Lesson learned.
Wanda - His jealousy of other men wasn't just "cute" and a sign of adoration. It was a small sign of a VERY ugly trait that turned him into a monster and almost ruined me in a myriad of ways.

A boyfriend who likes to party can be a lot of fun until you realize he has a drinking problem.  The attentiveness of a jealous girlfriend can be flattering until she flips out.  Admitting you made a relationship mistake isn't stupid.  Its stupid to hurt someone who loves you by cheating.  Its not stupid to trust someone you love.  The way I see it is that if you learned something from your bad relationship... if you loved yourself enough to escape the influence of someone who was bringing you down.... then you are the smart one.