The old saying goes, "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger." If I survive the month of June, I'm sure I'll be considered for the starring role in the highly anticipated "Wonder Woman" movie (http://movies.popcrunch.com/keri-russell-as-wonder-woman-sort-of/). June is always the month that gets me. Why not December with all of the holiday mayhem? I shop all year in preparation for December. I know what to expect in December. June just seems to come along and smack me upside the head with a wet bra every year. Is it just me?
June wraps up our busy Spring ratings period at work. By the time the month is over I will have flown to New York for a one day trip to the Gracie Awards, made a fool of myself in the Matt and Ramona Weird Variety Show (http://mattandramona.1079thelink.com/page.cfm?ID=114), celebrated by mom's 69th birthday, attended my nephew's graduation and hosted a station yard sale... all done while attempting to keep my house spotless because its back on the market.
Don't think for a minute that June of 2010 will be any less hectic. June is no joke! It will find a way turn your schedule upside down. And don't you dare complain about it. Whining about November or December might get you some sympathy, but you just have to suck it up when June leaves you broke and exhausted. Why? The stuff that gets crammed into the month is really, really good stuff. You've got Father's Day (http://www.askmen.com/entertainment/mrtech/43_tech_gadgets.html), weddings, recitals, anniversaries, graduations, summer vacations... it's just a matter of looking beyond all the details to fully embrace everything June represents. June celebrates love, accomplishments and recreation.
So if you're facing a hectic June, its probably because you've got a deliciously full plate. Bon Appetit!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
NBA Ink Addiction
Once upon a time when the Chicago Bulls ruled the empire and the NBA forced its noble warriors of the hardwood to wear booty shorts into battle, only the rogue soldiers like Dennis Rodman sported multiple tattoos (http://www.hoopsvibe.com/books/in-the-paint-tattoos-of-the-nba-and-the-stories-behind-them-ar4292/image3901-7.html) . Welcome to the 2009 playoffs... or shall we call it the basketball inkfest? I think there's a tattoo artist in the locker room, writing on the guys at the half!
Does getting drafted by the NBA make you susceptible to a body art addiction? Players just don't seem capable of stopping with one or two tatts (http://www.usaweekend.com/09_issues/090208/090208sports-tattoos.html). Perhaps I need to start watching the games in hi def, because on my TV it doesn't look like anyone has particularly artistic or colorful body art. One guy looks like he went to a preschool art class and let the kids scribble on him.
I'm not anti-ink. I think Travis Barker and L'il Wayne are wishing the NBA would cool it with the ink. It's tough for the rockers, rappers and bikers to keep up (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.mtv.com/news/photos/t/tattoo_030106/images/flip1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.mtv.com/photos/mtv-news-social-history-of-the-tattoo/1483012/1567256/photo.jhtml&usg=__GT4430l_uny0f5ooAMwx0XMs7WY=&h=240&w=320&sz=20&hl=en&start=22&um=1&tbnid=av7rLsL8CFxKcM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtravis%2Bbarker%2Btattoo%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4ADBF_enUS261US263%26sa%3DN%26start%3D20%26um%3D1). I can understand plastic surgery addiction, exercise addiction, food addiction and video game addiction... but somebody is gonna have to explain the ink addiction to me.
Does getting drafted by the NBA make you susceptible to a body art addiction? Players just don't seem capable of stopping with one or two tatts (http://www.usaweekend.com/09_issues/090208/090208sports-tattoos.html). Perhaps I need to start watching the games in hi def, because on my TV it doesn't look like anyone has particularly artistic or colorful body art. One guy looks like he went to a preschool art class and let the kids scribble on him.
I'm not anti-ink. I think Travis Barker and L'il Wayne are wishing the NBA would cool it with the ink. It's tough for the rockers, rappers and bikers to keep up (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.mtv.com/news/photos/t/tattoo_030106/images/flip1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.mtv.com/photos/mtv-news-social-history-of-the-tattoo/1483012/1567256/photo.jhtml&usg=__GT4430l_uny0f5ooAMwx0XMs7WY=&h=240&w=320&sz=20&hl=en&start=22&um=1&tbnid=av7rLsL8CFxKcM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dtravis%2Bbarker%2Btattoo%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4ADBF_enUS261US263%26sa%3DN%26start%3D20%26um%3D1). I can understand plastic surgery addiction, exercise addiction, food addiction and video game addiction... but somebody is gonna have to explain the ink addiction to me.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Arm Issues
Please don't read this and think I'm not thankful for having arms. Arms are good. Having arms makes a lot of things possible, like hugging and wearing bracelets. But that doesn't mean I don't have arm issues and my arms issues are demanding respect.
Some folks may never understand. They are the totally secure, stand-in-the-mirror-nude-loving-every-inch-of-what-they-see types of people. They write poems about their butts, flash their boobs for beads and jog in sports bras and with matching panties. I don't have a problem with the body lovers, I just have a problem with their lack of respect for my issues.
I've been evening gown hunting for months (http://mattandramona.1079thelink.com/page.cfm;jsessionid=a630796cec85b325813343f3f253073335b2?ID=276.) I want to feel at ease in the gown I choose to wear to New York for the Gracie Awards in June. The only way to do that is to wear something that keeps my issues in check. I need covered arms, flare at the hip (to make it look like I've got curvy hips and booty) and a color and fabric that doesn't resemble anything that might inspire some unfortunate comparison (http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/21/abominable-snowman-found/ ). I love one dress because it makes me awesome cleavage, another because my arms are totally covered and a third because it when you see me from the back.... it's "Hello Kim Kardashian!"
My mom refuses to wear clingy dresses or skirts that emphasize her "knobs." I have a friend who wears 3/4 length sleeves year-round because of her arm issues. Another friend won't show her knees. You guessed it! My arm issues are not only hereditary they are re-enforced by my environment. So, I respect your issues if you don't like showing your toes or tummy. I won't encourage you to wear a thong to the beach or try to convince you to show your tipples at church if you promise not to try to make me show off my arms. Deal?
Some folks may never understand. They are the totally secure, stand-in-the-mirror-nude-loving-every-inch-of-what-they-see types of people. They write poems about their butts, flash their boobs for beads and jog in sports bras and with matching panties. I don't have a problem with the body lovers, I just have a problem with their lack of respect for my issues.
I've been evening gown hunting for months (http://mattandramona.1079thelink.com/page.cfm;jsessionid=a630796cec85b325813343f3f253073335b2?ID=276.) I want to feel at ease in the gown I choose to wear to New York for the Gracie Awards in June. The only way to do that is to wear something that keeps my issues in check. I need covered arms, flare at the hip (to make it look like I've got curvy hips and booty) and a color and fabric that doesn't resemble anything that might inspire some unfortunate comparison (http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/21/abominable-snowman-found/ ). I love one dress because it makes me awesome cleavage, another because my arms are totally covered and a third because it when you see me from the back.... it's "Hello Kim Kardashian!"
My mom refuses to wear clingy dresses or skirts that emphasize her "knobs." I have a friend who wears 3/4 length sleeves year-round because of her arm issues. Another friend won't show her knees. You guessed it! My arm issues are not only hereditary they are re-enforced by my environment. So, I respect your issues if you don't like showing your toes or tummy. I won't encourage you to wear a thong to the beach or try to convince you to show your tipples at church if you promise not to try to make me show off my arms. Deal?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Mother Doesn't Always Know Best
Mom doesn't always know best. I shared a story with "Today's Charlotte Woman" magazine about how I followed Wheezy's dating advice into trap that she set with my ex-husband http://www.todayscharlottewoman.com/component/content/article/57-exclusive/261-mother-does-know-best-exclusive-content-may-2009-. But, the article about mom's advice doesn't tell the whole story. I have to admit that her wise words have brought me a long way. Common sense is her speciality and she doesn't have much patience for those who don't seem to have it or use it.
Just so you don't get the wrong idea, I want to tell you a little more about the woman who calls herself "America's Favorite Cougar."
1. Victims get no sympathy from her. What this former inner city teacher prefers to give victims is a lesson plan for revenge. I've been divorced since 2004 and I still fear for the safety of my Marine Corps ex-husband if she runs into him. The guys on the "Matt and Ramona Show" want her to star in a video called "The Legend of Cane Foo." She's the kind of senior citizen you see on Eyewitness news, beating the stinkin' stew out of a punk who tried to steal her purse.
2. She loves your kids enough to correct them. Wheezy isn't the kind of woman to talk about your parenting skills behind your back. It isn't an attempt to embarrass you. Wheezy just believes she was put on this earth to be a parent helper. Have you heard of the African proverb that says "it takes a village to raise a child?" Well, she's the villager telling your teen son to comb his hair and get a job. Folks in retail love her. She'll march you back to your momma if she catches you pulling clothes off the rack or opening packages. Don't worry if your kid doesn't understand English. About a year ago at the North Tryon Walmart, she told a kid in Spanish to stop pulling his sister's pants down. BTW, she'll be 69 this year so a "kid" to her is anyone under the age of 50.
3. Despite her musings about man hunting on the radio, she's a woman of faith who continues to encourage me to put God in everything I do. She was born a United Methodist and says she'll die a United Methodist, but over the years I've watched her incorporate the beliefs of other denominations and religions into her life. For Wheezy, the word "Christian" is a verb, not a noun.
4. She is a big believer in natural remedies. She has dozens of books about healing foods and will take the word of her acupuncturist over her neurosurgeon any day of the week. Her herbal concoctions have about a 70% success rate. I warned you that she's not right all the time! She once advised my aunt to cure a yeast infection with a tampon soaked in tea tree oil. My aunt said it "ate her behind up." The tampon incident mentally scarred me so I have to feel pretty lousy to let her come near me with her mortar and pestle.
5. She's my best friend. A little cantankerous at times, a lot uncooperative at other times, but unconditionally in my corner all the time. Thanks for helping me honor her, TCW magazine.
Happy Mother's Day, Wheezy. Keep growlin' and prowlin'!
Just so you don't get the wrong idea, I want to tell you a little more about the woman who calls herself "America's Favorite Cougar."
1. Victims get no sympathy from her. What this former inner city teacher prefers to give victims is a lesson plan for revenge. I've been divorced since 2004 and I still fear for the safety of my Marine Corps ex-husband if she runs into him. The guys on the "Matt and Ramona Show" want her to star in a video called "The Legend of Cane Foo." She's the kind of senior citizen you see on Eyewitness news, beating the stinkin' stew out of a punk who tried to steal her purse.
2. She loves your kids enough to correct them. Wheezy isn't the kind of woman to talk about your parenting skills behind your back. It isn't an attempt to embarrass you. Wheezy just believes she was put on this earth to be a parent helper. Have you heard of the African proverb that says "it takes a village to raise a child?" Well, she's the villager telling your teen son to comb his hair and get a job. Folks in retail love her. She'll march you back to your momma if she catches you pulling clothes off the rack or opening packages. Don't worry if your kid doesn't understand English. About a year ago at the North Tryon Walmart, she told a kid in Spanish to stop pulling his sister's pants down. BTW, she'll be 69 this year so a "kid" to her is anyone under the age of 50.
3. Despite her musings about man hunting on the radio, she's a woman of faith who continues to encourage me to put God in everything I do. She was born a United Methodist and says she'll die a United Methodist, but over the years I've watched her incorporate the beliefs of other denominations and religions into her life. For Wheezy, the word "Christian" is a verb, not a noun.
4. She is a big believer in natural remedies. She has dozens of books about healing foods and will take the word of her acupuncturist over her neurosurgeon any day of the week. Her herbal concoctions have about a 70% success rate. I warned you that she's not right all the time! She once advised my aunt to cure a yeast infection with a tampon soaked in tea tree oil. My aunt said it "ate her behind up." The tampon incident mentally scarred me so I have to feel pretty lousy to let her come near me with her mortar and pestle.
5. She's my best friend. A little cantankerous at times, a lot uncooperative at other times, but unconditionally in my corner all the time. Thanks for helping me honor her, TCW magazine.
Happy Mother's Day, Wheezy. Keep growlin' and prowlin'!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Original Recessionista
Where have all these shoppers come from? They used to stick to the malls and didn't stray from their favorite boutiques. Now they are crowding my favorite discount stores and picking them dry. It was tough even finding a parking spot close to the Marshalls store last week!
All of the magazines are giving "recessionistas" ideas on where to shop. What these new bargain shoppers are discovering, I've known all my life. Frugality can be fun! I grew up at yard sales (.http://mattandramona.1079thelink.com/registration/entry.cfm;jsessionid=a6302b14acf52c1682b557148461555774a5?ID=341) I could make a dollar last all day! I furnished my first home with fab finds from closeout sales and thrift stores. My secret thrill today was knowing that my entire Ann Taylor outfit; skirt, sweater and shrug cost less than $30. Why am I complaining? Too much competition for the good deals! The clearance racks have nothing but a few irregular odds and ends that I'd never wear or give as a gift. Even my fav discount spots are thin on inventory.
It could be my own fault. I'm shopping less because this just isn't a good time to invest in yet another pair of black patent leather shoes. And every savvy shopper knows that when it comes to discount stores and thrift shops, the more you go the more likely you'll find an unbelievable deal to brag to fellow bargain hunters about.
All of the magazines are giving "recessionistas" ideas on where to shop. What these new bargain shoppers are discovering, I've known all my life. Frugality can be fun! I grew up at yard sales (.http://mattandramona.1079thelink.com/registration/entry.cfm;jsessionid=a6302b14acf52c1682b557148461555774a5?ID=341) I could make a dollar last all day! I furnished my first home with fab finds from closeout sales and thrift stores. My secret thrill today was knowing that my entire Ann Taylor outfit; skirt, sweater and shrug cost less than $30. Why am I complaining? Too much competition for the good deals! The clearance racks have nothing but a few irregular odds and ends that I'd never wear or give as a gift. Even my fav discount spots are thin on inventory.
It could be my own fault. I'm shopping less because this just isn't a good time to invest in yet another pair of black patent leather shoes. And every savvy shopper knows that when it comes to discount stores and thrift shops, the more you go the more likely you'll find an unbelievable deal to brag to fellow bargain hunters about.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Orange Power
I've made fun of the overuse of the spray tan on "Dancing with the Stars," but there's obviously something about being spray painted that gives these hoofers their edge. Ty, the rodeo guy, got sprayed up for the competition this week and wound up performing a darn good salsa. He's just fun to watch and even more fun to listen to. His down home quips make me smile every week. I hope he can outlast Chuck. Don't get me wrong, he's likable too, but Chuck just doesn't make me chuckle like Ty. Of the folks who were healthy enough to compete last night, those two guys had the lowest scores. Ty had a 24. Chuck's Cha Cha got a 26.
Melissa, who usually wows the judges and the crowd with difficult routines and a cutie-patootie personality, didn't get to show us her best thanks to a rib injury. Without the costumes or her game face, the pre-recorded rehearsal video of her jive fell flat. The judges gave it a 21.
Gilles and Shawn were tied with 27s. Watch out when Mr. Hotness gets another Latin dance. The judges liked his Lindy Hop, but I noticed some awkward steps near the start of the routine. Hearing his professional partner, Cheryl, curse at him when he can't catch the steps or when his shoulder injury is bothering him, really works my nerves. For that reason Cheryl is my least fav of the pros on the show. Shawn's Samba didn't exhibit the fire that she showed off last week. Unlike L'il Kim she's just not the booty-shaking type.
Despite the lack of booty-shaking moves, L'il Kim rocked the Paso Doble with the help from Derek's great choreography. She messed up BIG TIME in the team dance, but the judges didn't mind a bit. L'il Kim brought her raunch-i-tude back to the competition so the judges were in dance heaven. The Tango team of L'il Kim, Ty and Gilles earned a 28. The Mambo team of Shawn, Chuck and a pro filling in for Melissa got a mere 25. Props to pro Lacey for stepping in for Melissa, that girl was born to dance. Lacey upstaged everybody!
Melissa, who usually wows the judges and the crowd with difficult routines and a cutie-patootie personality, didn't get to show us her best thanks to a rib injury. Without the costumes or her game face, the pre-recorded rehearsal video of her jive fell flat. The judges gave it a 21.
Gilles and Shawn were tied with 27s. Watch out when Mr. Hotness gets another Latin dance. The judges liked his Lindy Hop, but I noticed some awkward steps near the start of the routine. Hearing his professional partner, Cheryl, curse at him when he can't catch the steps or when his shoulder injury is bothering him, really works my nerves. For that reason Cheryl is my least fav of the pros on the show. Shawn's Samba didn't exhibit the fire that she showed off last week. Unlike L'il Kim she's just not the booty-shaking type.
Despite the lack of booty-shaking moves, L'il Kim rocked the Paso Doble with the help from Derek's great choreography. She messed up BIG TIME in the team dance, but the judges didn't mind a bit. L'il Kim brought her raunch-i-tude back to the competition so the judges were in dance heaven. The Tango team of L'il Kim, Ty and Gilles earned a 28. The Mambo team of Shawn, Chuck and a pro filling in for Melissa got a mere 25. Props to pro Lacey for stepping in for Melissa, that girl was born to dance. Lacey upstaged everybody!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wanted: Hungry Realtor
The saga continues. From the day I moved into this house, I started thinking about the day I'd move out. It's a lovely huge, home in a beautiful, friendly neighborhood (http://bridgehamptonneighbors.com/). Lots of amenities, close to shopping and great restaurants, less than 30 minutes from uptown Charlotte. Before this entry turns into a classified ad, I'll just sum it up by saying the place is far from a dump. But, between the crappy economy and my bad luck with realtors I'm afraid I might die in this place.
At first I decided to stay true to the realtor who sold my previous home. He told me when to put the house on the market. I did some painting, made some repairs and when I'd finished sprucing up he told me NOT to put it on the market after all. I decided that if there was any hope of selling, I needed to put a sign out front no matter what. A friend told me about a realtor who only takes 1%, but offers less services. I jumped at the chance to make a little profit. Of course, this realtor would put no effort into marketing my home, but for 1% what could I expect? What I didn't expect was an e-mail, not a phone call, just an e-mail telling me that the 1% man was taking his business in a "different direction" and he no longer wanted to list my house. I swear the place isn't a dump.
About a week before the "Dear John" e-mail from Mr. 1% (who dropped by to pick up his sign and lock box and casually left my key on the front stoop) I got a call from a dude who appeared to be the kind of realtor I'd been looking for. He noticed my listing would soon expire and gave me his pitch over the phone. I liked his style. He couldn't meet with me any morning last week because that's his time to work the phones. Wow, a real go-getter! He e-mailed a letter of introduction that touted his "strong commitment to personal service" and a "22 step action plan proven to sell homes." I sure liked the sound of that. I thought the telemarketing realtor was the answer to my prayers and believe me I pray about selling this house every single day.
I cancelled the day trip I'd planned and made an appointment to meet with him at 3:00 pm on Sunday. At 3:15 I called his office to see if he was lost and needed directions. No answer. Checked e-mail and voicemail for a cancellation... nothing. I took a second look at his original e-mail and noticed that he refers to himself in the third person. I guess that should've been a red flag.
So now I'm realtor-less and trying not to worry. I took my ad off of Craig's List because of an oddball fear of a Norman Bates character showing up at my door (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517090,00.html). Know a good realtor who is hungry to sell a house? Here is my realtor want ad:
Wanted: Driven, pushy negotiator to market and sell my home. Must be part of a strong relocation network with the stamina to spend hours each week hunting for qualified buyers. Realtor must feature my home on all the high traffic real estate websites with gorgeous professional photos of every room. Desktop publishing skills needed to produce full color brochures for other agents and potential buyers. Strong communications skills a must to keep me abreast of your activities, to give me feedback from potential buyers and to network with other agents. Only results-oriented top sellers with glowing references need apply.
At first I decided to stay true to the realtor who sold my previous home. He told me when to put the house on the market. I did some painting, made some repairs and when I'd finished sprucing up he told me NOT to put it on the market after all. I decided that if there was any hope of selling, I needed to put a sign out front no matter what. A friend told me about a realtor who only takes 1%, but offers less services. I jumped at the chance to make a little profit. Of course, this realtor would put no effort into marketing my home, but for 1% what could I expect? What I didn't expect was an e-mail, not a phone call, just an e-mail telling me that the 1% man was taking his business in a "different direction" and he no longer wanted to list my house. I swear the place isn't a dump.
About a week before the "Dear John" e-mail from Mr. 1% (who dropped by to pick up his sign and lock box and casually left my key on the front stoop) I got a call from a dude who appeared to be the kind of realtor I'd been looking for. He noticed my listing would soon expire and gave me his pitch over the phone. I liked his style. He couldn't meet with me any morning last week because that's his time to work the phones. Wow, a real go-getter! He e-mailed a letter of introduction that touted his "strong commitment to personal service" and a "22 step action plan proven to sell homes." I sure liked the sound of that. I thought the telemarketing realtor was the answer to my prayers and believe me I pray about selling this house every single day.
I cancelled the day trip I'd planned and made an appointment to meet with him at 3:00 pm on Sunday. At 3:15 I called his office to see if he was lost and needed directions. No answer. Checked e-mail and voicemail for a cancellation... nothing. I took a second look at his original e-mail and noticed that he refers to himself in the third person. I guess that should've been a red flag.
So now I'm realtor-less and trying not to worry. I took my ad off of Craig's List because of an oddball fear of a Norman Bates character showing up at my door (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,517090,00.html). Know a good realtor who is hungry to sell a house? Here is my realtor want ad:
Wanted: Driven, pushy negotiator to market and sell my home. Must be part of a strong relocation network with the stamina to spend hours each week hunting for qualified buyers. Realtor must feature my home on all the high traffic real estate websites with gorgeous professional photos of every room. Desktop publishing skills needed to produce full color brochures for other agents and potential buyers. Strong communications skills a must to keep me abreast of your activities, to give me feedback from potential buyers and to network with other agents. Only results-oriented top sellers with glowing references need apply.
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